How do you trust someone in a relationship?
by Jacquie Wise
There are three levels of trust in relationships
We all want to be trusted. If you don’t have faith in people, how can you learn to trust?
First level of trust
You can trust a person when they do what they are obliged to do and they don’t depart from the rules. They will follow instructions and meet their obligations. The implication is that they will do it whether they want to do it it or not.
Second level of trust
You trust a person to do what they say they’ll do – they walk the talk. This is why it is so important to be seen to put your money where your mouth is, if you want people to trust you. Don’t just talk about doing something, make sure people can see you actually do it and judge others in the same way – do they do what they say they’ll do? This is especially important for parents – make sure you know the way, show the way and go the way.
Third level of trust
You trust a person to do what is in the best interests of everyone concerned. You trust their integrity, their ability to judge objectively and you trust their sense of fair play. If they change direction and do something unexpected, you trust that they have a good reason and that the reason is the fairest, for all concerned. They have the ability to create the right rules. You can only gain this level of trust by observing how they run their life over time.
If you cannot trust others, then trust your own judgment. How do you do that? You need a clear set of benchmarks and criteria that people have to meet for each level of a relationship from superficial to intimate. Recognise that trust is built slowly. Give it time, but allow people to make mistakes. If they disappoint you, make allowances no more than three times. By the fourth time they fail you, that’s when you need to question their integrity and it may actually be right not to trust them.
Imagine how you would feel if you could trust other people in relationships. Interested? If so, contact me directly to arrange a convenient appointment time.
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