The Five Cs of Successful Relationships – Compatibility Compromise Commitment Communication Chemistry
By Jacquie Wise
Recently, I’ve had several clients who’ve raised concerns about their relationships.
As always, their questions lead me to developing a new Wise Way—in this case a consolidation of the essential components of successful relationships (Sorry—I’m on a roll here with my Cs…!)
Not just of physical needs for affection and sex. Compatibility also includes interests, values, lifestyles, attitudes, goals, sense of humour. If those things aren’t compatible, what do you have to share? You need to be travelling in the same direction.
Some say ‘opposites attract’—that is certainly true for a number of reasons (the subject of another blog, probably). They may attract, but can they co-exist in the longer term?
Compatibility means being willing to respect your differences and to…
Whatever you call it: ‘give & take’, ‘split the difference’, ‘meet halfway’…. It stops you going into battle for the wrong reasons such as the colour of the curtains.
Compromise is what I call diplomatic love—which allows us to negotiate our preferences and needs, just like bargaining at a market, leading to a win-win.
Do you know what you really want in a relationship? Or do you go into intimate relationships on a ‘wait and see’ basis?
A fling is very different from a real relationship, but it’s sad how many people confuse the two and expect the wrong things from the wrong people. The ‘wait and see’ stage needs to happen BEFORE you commit, otherwise you’re asking for crushing disappointment.
By the time you commit, you need to be absolutely sure that this person is truly compatible and the differences between you are only minor.
That includes verbal and non-verbal communication. It’s the single most important aspect that can make or break a relationship. It includes caring enough to listen to underlying, unspoken messages, being interested enough in each other’s daily activities, being clear when conveying your innermost needs. Good communication also means knowing how to prevent disagreements from escalating into arguments and if they do, knowing how to forgive and move on afterwards.
At non-verbal levels, communication means a look, a hug, a touch of a hand, for no reason. You know that song ‘You say it best when you say nothing at all?’ It does NOT mean if you sulk I should be able to read your mind!
Compatibility includes finding someone willing and able to communicate at all levels.
We tend to think of physical attraction as chemistry—that giddiness when you’re feeling amorous. Of course there needs to be some attraction, or you might as well date your goldfish. Be careful though, of confusing love with physical attraction. It happens all too easily.
For a truly successful relationship, chemistry at deeper levels, means ‘clicking’ (off she goes again with another C for you).
Chemistry can be generated by the loving way you look at each other across the table, laughing at the same things on TV, or having the same thought at the same time.
Chemistry also means having a strong sense of belonging with someone.
If you keep those 5 essential Cs in mind and develop the required skills, you’re almost guaranteed to have a successful relationship.
I’d love to know what you think of what I’ve said here.
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