September 30, 2016

October 2016

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Two articles on Love and Work this month – enjoy!

How do you trust someone in a relationship?

by Jacquie Wise

There are three levels of trust in relationships

We all want to be trusted. If you don’t have faith in people, how can you learn to trust?

First level of trust

You can trust a person when they do what they are obliged to do and they don’t depart from the rules. They will follow instructions and meet their obligations. The implication is that they will do it whether they want to do it it or not.

Second level of trust

You trust a person to do what they say they’ll do – they walk the talk. This is why it is so important to be seen to put your money where your mouth is, if you want people to trust you. Don’t just talk about doing something, make sure people can see you actually do it and judge others in the same way – do they do what they say they’ll do? This is especially important for parents – make sure you know the way, show the way and go the way.

Third level of trust

You trust a person to do what is in the best interests of everyone concerned. You trust their integrity, their ability to judge objectively and you trust their sense of fair play. If they change direction and do something unexpected, you trust that they have a good reason and that the reason is the fairest, for all concerned. They have the ability to create the right rules. You can only gain this level of trust by observing how they run their life over time.

Developing trust

If you cannot trust others, then trust your own judgment. How do you do that? You need a clear set of benchmarks and criteria that people have to meet for each level of a relationship from superficial to intimate. Recognise that trust is built slowly. Give it time, but allow people to make mistakes. If they disappoint you, make allowances no more than three times. By the fourth time they fail you, that’s when you need to question their integrity and it may actually be right not to trust them.

How to think laterally about career choices

How to think laterally about career choicesby Jacquie Wise

Four options to consider for a career or job change

The world changes so quickly these days for us to be safe plodding along on the same path without some kind of growth that increases our choices. I’ve reinvented myself so many times I’ve lost track, but it’s always expanded my options and has contributed greatly to my professional success and ability to flow with changing market trends.

Whether you’re in between jobs, looking for a new direction, or you’re in a job you hate, you’ve decided it’s time for a change. But to what?

There are four options to consider:

Moving up

If you’re bored with your position, the easiest path to take is often to move up to the next level. That may require extra training; it could require a move to another organisation, but it could be a good move if it offers you the extra challenge, income or status you crave, in a career you already enjoy.

Moving down

You may want to reduce your levels of pressure or responsibility to enhance your balance of life. Perhaps you need to step downwards to gain experience in a different field. Or you want to reduce your working hours in order to develop your own business on the side. All valid reasons for seeking a job at levels lower than your current position.

Moving out

The experience you have could be applicable in a totally different job without necessarily involving additional study. One way I’ve continually kept this option open in my own career is through gaining experience and credibility by volunteering or by being active on a committee.

To inspire you, consider how your current job might differ if applied to research, teaching or training, specialised buying or selling of equipment, specialised journalism, quality control and so on.

Moving across

This means doing the same job at the same level, but in different pace. It could be in another branch of the same company, a totally different organisation or a different geographical location.

Whether you work in a large organisation or a small business will also make a difference to the same role. The smaller the business, the more responsibility and autonomy you’re likely to have.

Don’t limit yourself to advertised positions either. Chase employment agencies, recruiters, revisit your social and professional networks (including LinkedIn for introductions), or try making direct contact with a CV or resume and cover letter they can’t resist.

More blog posts at

Upcoming Public Courses at the CAE in Melbourne

Learn how to maintain a healthy work-life balance
29 Oct 10am – 3pm $159
Useful tips for people travelling solo overseas
30 Oct 10am – 4pm
Diplomacy and Influence in the Workplace
31 Oct 9:30am – 4:30pm $295
Business English – Writing for work
31 Oct – 19 Dec 6pm – 9pm $490
Conversation and Social Etiquette
13 Nov 10am – 5pm $179
Stand and Deliver – Public Speaking for Beginners
22 Nov – 6 Dec 6pm – 8pm $199
Assertiveness for everyday life
26 Nov 10am – 4pm $179
You can see the details online at

Your questions and comments inspire other articles. I’d love to hear from you – just reply to this email.

Jacquie Wise

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