How do you trust someone in a relationship?
There are three levels of trust in relationships
First level of trust
You can trust a person when they do what they are obliged to do and they don’t depart from the rules. They will follow instructions and meet their obligations. The implication is that they will do it whether they want to do it it or not.
Taking people at face value.
Second level of trust
You trust a person to do what they say they’ll do – they walk the talk. This is why it is so important to be seen to put your money where your mouth is, if you want people to believe in you. Don’t just talk about doing something, make sure people can see you actually do it and judge others in the same way – do they do what they say they’ll do? This is especially important for parents – make sure you know the way, show the way and go the way.
Third level of trust
You trust a person to do what is in the best interests of everyone concerned. You have faith in their integrity, their ability to judge objectively and you trust their sense of fair play. If they change direction and do something unexpected, you trust that they have a good reason and that the reason is the fairest, for all concerned. They have the ability to create the right rules. You can only gain this level of belief in someone by observing how they run their life over time.
Developing trust
If you cannot trust others, then trust your own judgment. How do you do that? You need a clear set of benchmarks and criteria that people have to meet for each level of a relationship from superficial to intimate. Recognise that trust is built slowly. Give it time, but allow people to make mistakes. If they disappoint you, make allowances no more than three times. By the fourth time they fail you, that’s when you need to question their integrity and it may actually be right not to trust them.
How do I make that leap of faith?
Imagine how you would feel if you could trust other people in relationships. Interested? If so, contact me directly to arrange a convenient appointment time.
I’d love to know what you think of what I’ve said here.
You can give me your feedback, ask a question by email or post a comment below.
If you or someone you know would like a personal consultation, please call +61 439 969 081.
Information only
Any information presented on our website is of a general nature only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice.
Reproducing and Sharing
Jacquie Wise has many articles available for reprinting in your newsletter, website, social media or to pass on to your friends (including this post) that she would be happy for you to share. You can share a direct hyperlink to this post’s URL at anytime.
If you would like to reproduce any articles, Jacquie relies on your integrity to quote the content in its entirety and include the following acknowledgment at the end: © Jacquie Wise – Integrative Coach, Counsellor, Speaker, Trainer and Author, specialising in life, love, work and soul (www.wiseways.com.au)
