Questions to ask at the beginning of a new relationship
Beginning of a new relationship. What do I ask?
Statistics say that, in Australia, over 40% of marriages end in divorce. I wonder if it’s got something to do with making a commitment too quickly, before getting to know your partner well.
It would be interesting to find out the statistics on long-term or de facto relationships.
As a counsellor, I’ve met people who tell me ‘I never realised how s/he felt about…’, or: ‘I never picked up the clues until it was too late!’
We may do reasonably well when it comes to checking someone’s values—attitudes towards money or children, that sort of thing. Of course, people can and do change, but they’re more likely to be certain about the big issues.
How can you tell what a person is really going to be like on a day-to-day basis?
These 10 questions can be filtered easily into casual conversation without making it sound like an interrogation.
Naturally, you will want to rephrase them in your own words:
- What do they need to do to unwind in the first hour after a long day?
- Which friends do they like best and what is it they like about them?
- What activities do they most enjoy doing and why?
- What would they like to do more of or less of?
- Why is it that they aren’t doing this now?
- What irritates them or drags them down?
- What makes them frown?
- Any triggers for moments of enthusiasm or high energy?
- What do they avoid, even though they say it’s important?
- Do they like surprises, or do they prefer to anticipate?
How well you know yourself will determine how well you allow others to get to know the real you.
Try this:
Answer questions like this about friends you think you know well and check how accurate you are.
Check how well they know you.
How long did it take you to know them closely? How long are you allowing to get to know someone who could be your partner for life?
I’d love to know what you think of what I’ve said here.
You can give me your feedback, ask a question by email.
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