English is not as straightforward as we’d like to think.
Found these comments in an old email I received a long time ago - Unfortunately, author is unknown but they are quite funny - not to be taken seriously!
Women’s English
Yes = No in English No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry We need = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead]
Men’s English
I’m hungry = I’m hungry I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy I feel tired = I feel tired Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex What’s wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now? In English please. What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question I’m bored = Do you want to have sex? I love you = Let’s have sex now I love you, too = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex?
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before but who cares, let’s have sex Let’s talk = I’ll impress you by showing you I am deep then maybe sex?
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