The Five Cs of Successful Relationships - Compatibility Compromise Commitment Communication Chemistry
The Five C’s of Successful Relationships – develop the required skills, you’re almost guaranteed to have a successful relationship.
1 Compatibility
Not just of physical needs for affection and sex. Compatibility also includes interests, values, lifestyles, attitudes, goals, sense of humour. If those things aren’t compatible, what do you have to share? You need to be travelling in the same direction.
Some say ‘opposites attract’—that is certainly true for a number of reasons (the subject of another blog, probably).
They may attract, but can they co-exist in the longer term?
Compatibility means being willing to respect your differences and to…
2 Compromise
Whatever you call it: ‘give & take’, ‘split the difference’, ‘meet halfway’…. It stops you going into battle for the wrong reasons such as the colour of the curtains.
Compromise is what I call diplomatic love—which allows us to negotiate our preferences and needs, just like bargaining at a market, leading to a win-win.
3 Commitment
Do you know what you really want in a relationship? Or do you go into intimate relationships on a ‘wait and see’ basis?
A fling is very different from a real relationship, but it’s sad how many people confuse the two and expect the wrong things from the wrong people. The ‘wait and see’ stage needs to happen BEFORE you commit, otherwise you’re asking for crushing disappointment.
By the time you commit, you need to be absolutely sure that this person is truly compatible and the differences between you are only minor.
The ‘wait and see’ stage needs to happen BEFORE you commit, otherwise you’re asking for crushing disappointment.
4 Communication
That includes verbal and non-verbal communication. It’s the single most important aspect that can make or break a relationship. It includes caring enough to listen to underlying, unspoken messages, being interested enough in each other’s daily activities, being clear when conveying your innermost needs. Good communication also means knowing how to prevent disagreements from escalating into arguments and if they do, knowing how to forgive and move on afterwards.
At non-verbal levels, communication means a look, a hug, a touch of a hand, for no reason. You know that song ‘You say it best when you say nothing at all?’ It does NOT mean if you sulk I should be able to read your mind!
Compatibility includes finding someone willing and able to communicate at all levels.
5 Chemistry
We tend to think of physical attraction as chemistry—that giddiness when you’re feeling amorous. Of course there needs to be some attraction, or you might as well date your goldfish. Be careful though, of confusing love with physical attraction. It happens all too easily.
For a truly successful relationship, chemistry at deeper levels, means ‘clicking’ (off she goes again with another C for you).
Chemistry can be generated by the loving way you look at each other across the table, laughing at the same things on TV, or having the same thought at the same time.
Chemistry also means having a strong sense of belonging with someone.
If you keep those 5 essential Cs in mind and develop the required skills, you’re almost guaranteed to have a successful relationship.
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Take charge of your life with Jacquie Wise registered therapist at Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA) and Australian Counselling Association (ACA).
