Understanding Bad Behaviour

These are the times it can help to think with your soul:

Your mind is outraged at the injustices perpetrated against you by their bad behaviour.

Your heart is hurting and already grieving about the loss of the person you thought they were.

Only your soul can carry you through this kind of disillusionment and give you the strength to let go.

How I learned to handle bad behaviour:

I understand now that someone very close to me is a full-blown narcissist. That means she was unable to empathise with anyone else. She had a huge sense of self-importance and entitlement and believed her needs came first.

The list of symptoms goes on. Suffice to say she was always a very difficult person to deal with.

I’m putting her in the past tense because I had to cut her out of my life, no matter how much I loved her.

For years, I had tried to negotiate or find a compromise. It was never possible. The bad behaviour was ingrained.

Over years, I’d given her a lot of money and rescued her every time she committed some idiocy. I always wanted to be there for her, no matter how badly she treated me (and everyone else, for that matter.)

In turn, I was consumed with grief, outrage, anger, sadness…

How could she behave like this? She was older and should be more mature. She should realise how much hurt she’s causing—how could she not see? How could she not care?

Finally, I realised all the ‘shoulds’ I was imposing on her

Yes, sometimes, people should know better. It’s difficult to accept that their bad behaviour is caused by ignorance. We tend to believe they know what they’re doing and are making hurtful choices intentionally. Uncaringly.

But the reality is, they don’t know better. If they did know better, they would do better. They would meet all our ‘shoulds’.

I allowed my soul to take over how I was thinking about her bad behaviour

Shift your attention from logical thoughts and leave your emotions aside for a minute. Look at an individual’s behaviour from the perspective of their soul’s journey.

When you see little kids of say, three years old, struggling to tie their shoe laces, you notice that those tiny fingers can’t quite get around the loops and loose ends. You might be amused and think ‘Oh how cute’. You might be tempted to help. Or stand back and let them give it a try in their own way, at their own pace.

You don’t judge that they’re stupid and SHOULD know how to tie shoelaces. You accept that, at this stage of their development, they haven’t yet acquired the motor skills that allow them to be able to tie shoelaces.

We know this skill will come, as they grow a little older. Even if you’re not directly involved with kids, you have a basic understanding that children go through age-appropriate stages of development.

Learn to look at a person from the perspective of their soul’s journey

When people behave badly, you will always be hurt and frustrated If you focus on their bad behaviour.

Focus your attention instead, on the fact that this is a soul struggling to learn the lessons of life. They may not be succeeding as well as you judge they should.

But this part is not about you. The part in which you are learning how to handle things is about you. But their good or bad behaviour is about their journey.