How can I be more confident?
Is confidence something we’re born with?
Have you noticed how many times we assume that skilled people have a natural gift for something? That they were born confident? It is true that some people are born with a natural gift for art or science.
Some people might have been fortunate enough to have parents who encouraged and affirmed them as they grew up, so they gained confidence through believing in themselves. But they still had to put in the hard work to develop their talents.
If you think confidence just happens, you release yourself of any responsibility for making it happen.
What about those who are only confident and highly skilled because they’ve worked hard at it? We give no recognition to the hours of practice or study, the effort, or the sacrifice put into achieving their goals. We don’t see the courage it might have taken for them to overcome their fears, step by small step. All we see is the end result, so we feel sorry for ourselves and wish we, too, had this ‘natural gift’.
I’ve often heard people say things like ‘I wish I could play the piano like that’. Well? You may never be a Rubinstein, but if you practise regularly, you will be able to reach a good standard.
Are you afraid to put your potential to the test?
Anyone has the potential to improve, with a bit of effort. They are often described as ‘promising’. If your potential is as yet untried, you will always have promise. But that leads to a common trap—the fear of testing that promise.
I met a man recently who desperately wanted to be able to sing, but he was afraid to try, or take lessons, in case he wasn’t any good. He was afraid of being disappointed in himself.
With anything you try, there’s a 50% chance that you won’t be much good, and a 50% chance that you could turn out to be brilliant. It’s a crying shame to focus on the negative 50%, without giving yourself a chance.
There’s a big difference between acknowledging and accepting our failings.
If you say ‘I am inadequate’ and do nothing to change, that’s a resigned kind of acceptance. It’s the same as giving up. On the other hand, if you say ‘I am inadequate, so I will start to do this and that to improve’—that’s acknowledging. You’re not stuck with any of your perceived failings. There is always something you can do to improve.
For example, I’ve always had difficulty with anything mathematical. I still count on my ten fingers. (Don’t tell anybody!) When I started my business, I had to do my own accounts. Oh boy. It took me forever to work things out (No MYOB in those days, but then, I’m allergic to computers, too.)
Once I got a handle on things, I managed, albeit very slowly. For my personal accounts, I researched investment and banking strategies to maximize my savings. I ended up teaching a very successful course called Make the Most of Your Money, passing on all the information I had found for my own needs.
There is always a way to turn a weakness into a strength.
Any by the way, I’ve also mastered the essentials of computer processes. I don’t like to be helpless.
We often say ‘I’ll do this when I get more confident’
That’s like saying I’ll get in the car when I know how to drive! Just like learning to drive, you begin by learning the basics, you practise at an easy, non-threatening level. You progress to the next level only when you have mastered the first. So your confidence grows every time you see yourself better able to do the task.
Is a lack of confidence holding you back in life? Would you like me to share Wise Ways to overcome obstacles and live life free of fear? If so, contact me directly to arrange a convenient appointment time.
I’d love to know what you think of what I’ve said here.
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Confident is not something you are, confident is something you become as you improve your skills.
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