Overcoming low self esteem
Low self esteem and how to deal with it.
I was talking about self esteem to a very scientific, matter-of-fact, analytical type. Trying to get him to develop positive thinking and self affirmations, I used all the techniques that help us build self esteem. He looked puzzled and I could tell that i wasn’t reaching him. Low self esteem turned out to be the problem.
So I resorted to an example. ‘Suppose you were trying to shed weight and get fit,’ I said. ‘Instead of focusing on the negatives, like not being able to run up stairs and still weighing x amount, if you were able to feel good about being able to walk up half a flight and having shed 200g, it would be more encouraging, wouldn’t it?’
‘Yes, he said, but that’s tangible evidence’.
Aha. Now I was the one who got it. So we talked in terms of evidence, using examples of overcoming low self esteem that were relevant to him.
Low self esteem can be extremely damaging.
In his life, evidence of low self esteem included:
- thinking negatively about himself
- backing away from challenges
- poor time management
- low social confidence
I said to him: ‘Every time you sabotage your efforts, it’s evidence that you’re bringing yourself down. Conversely, every time you achieve one tiny improvement, minute by minute, it’s evidence that things are beginning to change for the better’. This, he got.
So anyone out there who needs tangible evidence may find this helpful. Gather evidence, one small shift at a time, that you’re improving.
It’ll make a huge difference towards encouraging you to keep developing your skills, and your sense of pride that leads to high self esteem.
Alternatively, you may have another trigger that helps you understand that you are overcoming low self esteem.
The second step involves sorting out which thoughts are worries about pressing problems, which might need to be dealt with first, which ones are defeatist, self-critical thoughts, and which ones are old hurts you can’t let go of. There might be a whole lot of other stuff going on, but that’s a start.
Alright, so you’re aware of what you’re thinking. Now what?
Some people find that all of these techniques would be useful, but I like to help each person find the one that works best for them.
Here are eight powerful techniques I've used with myself and with other clients:
- change your interpretation of situations
- don’t allow one small mistake to overshadow some big successes
- give yourself permission to make mistakes and keep going
- change your expectations of yourself and others so that they are more realistic
- eliminate perfectionism
- treat yourself as your own best friend
- turn off the negative voice in your head
- persevere and allow time for small shifts
Some people find that all of these techniques would be useful, but I like to help each person find the one that works best for them. It is like many things in life, if you apply the right strategy, you will overcome your challenge much faster.
If you would like to talk, please contact me.
If you or someone you know would like a personal consultation, please call +61 439 969 081.
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